Archive | Current Affairs RSS feed for this section

Meet The Superhumans

18 Jul

Happy 4th!

3 Jul

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days, period. I love my country, and will be celebrating America all damn day. With that being said, I figured I would post this video, albeit ridiculous. This guy loves America, and is celebrating the news of Osama bin Laden’s death. He may not be what our forefathers considered a ‘patriot,’ but he does know how to tickle my sense of humor with his ludicrous antics. Enjoy the video and Celebrate hard!

Lana’i, Hawaii has a new owner.

21 Jun

I thought I would write a quick post in case you missed the latest news…  Lana’i, Hawaii’s sixth largest island, has a new owner. Oracle Corporation’s CEO Larry Ellison purchased 98% of the 141 square mile island yesterday for a reported $500 – $600 million. This sum is a drop in the bucket for Mr. Ellison who is the world’s sixth richest man (No. 3 in America) with a reported $36 billion dollar fortune. David Murdoch, owner of Castle & Cooke (selling party), stated that he [Larry Ellison] “plans substantial investments that will create jobs and stimulate tourism to the island once owned in the 1920s by the founder of Dole Foods Co.” The deal involves 88,000 acres of land, two resorts (one of which is the Four Seasons), two golf courses, a stable,  and various residential and commercial buildings on Lana’i city.

The Kentucky Derby 101

4 May
As you prepare to watch the 138th Kentucky Derby this Saturday, here’s a quick guide to one of the most famous sporting events in the world.Overview:
Held annually in Louisville, Kentucky, on the first Saturday in May, the sporting event is classified as a Grade I stakes race for three-year-old thoroughbred horses. The top five finishers of the race receive a share of the purse. A garland of more than 400 red roses is awarded to the winner.

In 1872, Col. Meriwether Lewis Clark Jr., grandson of William Clark of the Lewis-and-Clark-fame, visited the Epsom Derby in England. He returned to Kentucky and organized the Louisville Jockey Club to raise money to build quality, racing facilities. On May 17, 1875, about 10,000 people gathered to watch 15 horses compete in the first Derby.

“America’s Race,” “The Greatest Two Minutes in Sports,” “The Chance of a Lifetime” and “The Run for the Roses”

The Triple Crown:  
The Kentucky Derby is the first leg of the Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing and is followed by the Preakness Stakes (held the third Saturday each May in Baltimore, Maryland), then the Belmont Stakes (held in June in Elmont, New York). A horse must win all three races to win the Triple Crown. Only eleven horses have ever achieved such a feat.

Churchill Downs:
Named after the original landowners John and Henry Churchill, the Louisville racetrack, with its recognizable twin spire grandstand, opened in 1875 and has hosted the 1¼ mile-long Derby each year.

Kentucky Oaks:
Held each year on the Friday before its sister race, the 1⅛ miles race, and the Kentucky Derby, are the oldest continuously contested sporting events in history. The winner gets a significant purse and a large garland of lilies.

The Kentucky Derby Festival:
First held in 1935, it’s now an annual festival held in Louisville during the two weeks leading up to the day of the Derby.

Participants are limited to three-year-old thoroughbred horses. The fastest time ever run in the Derby (at its present distance) was set in 1973 at 1 minute 59 2/5 seconds when Secretariat broke the previous record.

Derby Fashion:

Derby attire is known for its over-the-top use of pastel colors, seersucker, linen, madras plaid and hats – especially women’s hats. However, what you wear often depends on where you sit. Those in the reserved seating areas tend to go all out, while the infield crowd opts for more casual apparel.
The Mint Julep:

Officially associated with the Derby since 1938, the traditional cocktail consists of bourbon, mint, sugar and water. The historic drink should be served in an ice-frosted silver julep cup, but most race-goers enjoy theirs in a souvenir glass.
via Bearings Guide and Great Lakes Prep

Happy Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

Why SOPA is a bad idea.

19 Jan

There is not too much I can say about SOPA/PIPA that is not easily found out through many of the major media outlets like facebook, twitter, wikipedia, etc….So, instead of ranting and raving about the bills, I thought it would be appropriate to share this video of Clay Shirky, breaking the SOPA & PIPA bills down in layman’s terms. Please watch this, get informed, and contact your representative!


LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.

5 Dec


LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.

Yes, it is often said, but so, so true. 

LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.

I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something 
better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.

I am afraid that they’ll know I said it. I’ll walk past an LSU fan 
someday, and he’ll see that look in my eye that gives it away. 
That look that says, “gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?” 
The next thing you know, I’ll have flat tires on my car.

If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU 
fans how they smell – you know, like corn dogs.

LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.

I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you
attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell 
like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, “Wow, LSU sure does
have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.”

It’s hard. I know. It’s like when you’re having sex and you try to 
think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.
It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or 
whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: “Gee, I
wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like 
a corn dog?”; or “Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying
to make me think it is a real person?” or “What did that giant corn dog
just say?” or “Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly
like corn dogs smell?” or, of course, after a silencer: 
“Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?”

Heck, after what I’ve heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better 
not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are 
nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That’s okay.

You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. 
They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But
don’t be obvious about it. Somehow they know you’re trying not to 
breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They’ll likely 
punch you for that if they catch on to what you’re doing.

If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it’ll permeate your whole 
body, and then you’ll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But
don’t say, “Dang, now I smell like a corn dog.” They take offense to 
that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get 
stitches or something. Just don’t say it. If you do start smelling like
a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?

I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your 
kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around
town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and 
sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in 
their expression – indicating they smell corn dogs – might get a wrench 
or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that’s 
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as 
you drive – on some other weekend

I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog 
stuff. What puzzles me most is that I’ve never actually seen any of 
these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there’s no 
mystery there – maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?
Maybe there’s a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.
Maybe, there’s a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume.

Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply – 
kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.
The big political issue during the city election is whether they should
add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don’t comment on it 
though. It’s not politically correct over there. It’s like a 
malnutrition issue or something. It’s like the corn dogs are probably
added to the water to prevent starvation or something.

I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you’re thinking: “Ahhhh. Here I am 
in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I’ll bet the people here smell just like
boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe’ or some fancy Cajun food.” But just 
stop thinking that. That’s just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.

In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn 
dog odor. And don’t try masking the odor with something stronger. 
They’ll curse at you. They’ll say something like: “WTF, how dare you 
smoke a cigar in my home,” or “WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of
corn dogs?” and they’ll cuss out your kids too: “WTF!!! Little Mister 
fancy pants over here acts like he doesn’t want to smell like corn dogs.”

Cajuns are not like us. Don’t you see that, yet? They are really 
sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know 
they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. 
I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Ole 
messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don’t press
your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don’t refer to Death Valley as corn
dog valley either. I mean that’s just wrong. Even if you’ve been 
drinking, they’ll beat you up and curse out your kids.

Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction – 
even if you’re laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,
or sex or whatever. If you can’t control yourself and you must laugh 
though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their
corn dog body odor from a distance or that you’re choking on it or
something. They’ll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus
building over just one snort. 

So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each 
other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.
You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed
my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans after this
National Championship. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.

%d bloggers like this: